When planning a funeral, the focus on your loss can be interrupted by prioritizing the decisions around planning a funeral service. Providing a farewell for a loved one is important to most people but does involve decision making which postpones time for reflection.

The day of the funeral service is then often filled with lots of emotions. Thinking can become clouded as you say your goodbye, take in the service and mingle with those in attendance. Afterwards, everything can seem like a blur. Life then quietens. Contact with others slows down as visitors begin to head home, and calls and visits become less frequent. For many people, this is when the grief settles in.

Feeling the loss of a loved one is usually ongoing and continues long after the farewell ends. It doesn’t have a particular timeline. Grief can impact feelings and thoughts and at times can be overwhelming having a negative impact on physical health. When grief is impacting your life significantly it is important to accept available supports or seek alternative or additional supports if needed.

Emotional Support After the Funeral Service

Once the service is over, people often feel the full weight of the loss. It is normal to grieve, and loss can affect every part of our lives. Everybody grieves in their own way – there are no rights or wrongs. Some people want to express their grief whilst other prefer not to talk. Some people find it helpful to talk to others straight away, whilst others need time before talking.

For emotional support, most people find speaking with family and friends helpful as they know them best and are in tune with what type of comfort to offer. Other people may be isolated or wish to keep their experience private. It is helpful to have a steady point of contact during the early weeks, especially when everyday life feels strangely out of step.

Over time, many people will adapt to a loss without professional support. Some people, however, don’t adapt as easily as others, with the grief impacting many aspects of their life, sometimes for a long time. When the experience of loss is overwhelming and ongoing, it is important to seek the support of a trusted health worker or GP, a counsellor, grief support group, religious leader or community group.

Practical Guidance for Next Steps

After the funeral, there are tasks related to your loss that continue at what can seem the worst time. Contacting Centrelink and other agencies regarding the death, managing sharing of the Death Certificate, looking after outstanding bills, closing accounts and organizing estate matters can all be draining while you are grieving.

It can be helpful to try to delay any major decisions or actions to allow you time to pace yourself and reflect on your loss. Allowing people and organizations to assist you with these tasks and asking for guidance is helpful. Pressure is lessened when you seek advice to gain a clear idea of time frames for completing tasks and the order of priorities. It is a good idea to write things down and collect information. People looking after a deceased person’s affairs should never feel awkward about asking someone to direct them to the right service or explain processes. It is important to remember that you should feel that you can ask questions more than once when needed.

How to Support Someone in Grief

People experiencing grief find comfort in having people around who allow them to express their grief in their own way. Knowing that they are listened to and supported is important. Not all people like to discuss their loss but instead gain comfort is simply being and doing with others. It is important not to place expectations on people about how to grieve, remembering it is largely a unique experience for each person.

It is comforting to people grieving knowing that others are thinking of them when they check in and offer practical support. This is helpful both after the funeral but also important longer term as grief is ongoing. Support may not immediately be accepted or not accepted at all but the offer provides reassurance that there is a place to go if it is needed.

Keeping alive the memory of the person that has passed is important to many people. Mentioning the person by name and recalling memories about them can be reassuring. Some people like to continue to participate in memorials and rituals related to the person long after their funerals on important dates and anniversaries. Participation in events by close friends is often appreciated.

Grief specific counselling and support groups are different spaces that provide an alternative to the support provided by family and friends. They are structured to give people room to speak honestly and move through their grief at their own pace. They also help people understand the common reactions to loss and learn ways to cope with anniversaries and lonely times. For some, these more formal supports are helpful especially when people have few supports around them or are finding it difficult to express their grieve when others around them are grieving too.

Remembrance Memorial Options

While a funeral is a once off formal farewell, memorials of a loved one carry on over time. Memorials and traditions are a sign of respect which keep the memory of the person alive. In Melbourne, types of memorials vary. They can be determined by a specific religion or culture or they can be truly unique, personal ways of keeping the memory of a person alive.

A remembrance memorial can be a physical object or a ritual or action. It can be large or small or anything in between. People may choose anything from adding a monument or headstone to a grave or simply light a candle on the birthday of the person. As long as it holds a space for person who has died and those remembering, it is a memorial.

Popular examples for memorials are arranging to scatter ashes in one or multiple meaningful places, creating a memorial display at home or compiling a photobook of memories. Other people choose traditions such as visiting a memorial site at a cemetery on certain days or anniversaries or visiting places that hold fond memories of times together. Some prefer a quiet ritual at home, others organize gatherings. Regardless of the type of memorial, they play an important role in managing grief for many people.

How Funeral Directors Continue to Help

A caring funeral provider should readily provide assistance after the funeral has taken place. You should feel comfortable asking questions after the funeral about options for ashes, memorial ideas, documentation and grief resources.

Speak With Our Team

Grief is not the same for everybody, and many people need help at different points along the way. If you need practical guidance or additional information regarding grief support, visit our contact page or call Australian Pensioner Funerals on (03) 9419 0004.